Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
