I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We need to get me chipped asap
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize