Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
