i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
