I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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