I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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