Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
