So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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