very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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