My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
