remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
