OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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