If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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