Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
