i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
