You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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