Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
