Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
