i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
