Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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