i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
