I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
