wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
