This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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