I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
