So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
