I'm so fucking centered right now
I should be sponsored by Trojan
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Vodka?
Forever.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
