i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
