She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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