You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
