I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I smell stomach acid.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
