i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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