im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
