So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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