carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
