And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
