I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
