So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
