go do what you do best...puke behind churches
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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