cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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