i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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