I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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