Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
