if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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