Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
