I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize