my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
