so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
