That's intense
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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