We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
