Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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