Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
