I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
