ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize