Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize