What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I smell like Dick and happiness
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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