So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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