i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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