have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
