You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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