I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
