i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
