FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Randomize
