Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
