and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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