Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
