i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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