Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
