woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize