2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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